Rated TV-14 (DLSV)

Kio: It's showtime! Remember, while you're watching, turn on the lights, and don't sit too close to the monitor. We really gotta retire this warning, though.



Narrator: In New York City's fight against crime, the dedicated detectives who pursue the most vicious criminals are members of an elite unit known as ACME Crime Net.

[Houston Street, Monday, July 1st, 10:33am]

[A man (played by Taylor Lautner) stops an oncoming car (1988 Chevrolet Nova); the driver and passengers inside rush out just before the man slices the top off the car with his sword]

Seltzer: Damn jalopy.

[Suddenly, the six Cosmo Cats charge into the scene]

Qoone: ACME Crime Net!

Manami: FREEZE!

[She and Aoi point their regular guns at Seltzer]

Aoi: Hands where we can see them!

Seltzer: Gimme a break. I'm not in the mood.

Eris: You're under arrest for destruction of property and attempting to resist arrest!

Kio: Why are you doing this?!

Seltzer: Old cars suck.

Antonia: That's ridiculous!

Seltzer: [charges at the Cosmo Cats with his sword] Shut up!

[He fights the Cosmo Cats rigorously over the next few minutes, until he knocks each of them to the ground; Qoone charges at Seltzer with her Cougar Saber, but Seltzer kicks her to the ground]

Seltzer: [runs off] I don't have time to deal with you!

Manami: Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

Qoone: Back to base, everyone.

[132 Madison Street, 11:03am]

[In the lab, the gang (back to normal; Kio has a folded dust cloth on his head) checks the NYPD archives for any information on Seltzer, until Aoi finds a dossier]

Aoi: Jeremy Seltzer, 27 years old. He was arrested in 2015 for grand larceny auto, but the charge was dropped when another perp confessed to the crime. Been a clean slate since, until now, when he sliced the top off that Chevy Nova.

Eris: What's on his mind?

Kio: He did say he hated old cars, didn't he?

Manami: I'll bet he's probably gonna target more old cars. This city's not safe unless we catch him. [about to leave] I'll go and find him.

Kio: [stops her] You stop right there, Manami.

Manami: Kio, don't be so sof-- [notices the dust cloth on Kio's head and grabs it] What the hell is this?!

Kio: Huh?

Manami: Why was this on your head all this time without falling off?!

Kio: Well, it's only a suspicion, but...

[He has a flashback of earlier that morning when he was dusting his group's bedroom, using the cloth]

Kio: [present] Before we were ordered to sortie, I was alone in our room dusting with that cloth.

[In the flashback, he sits on the bed and starts to doze off and sleepily folds the cloth and places it on his head]

Kio: [present] When I sat down, I suddenly fell asleep. I dreamt I was at a hot spring in Okinawa, and I wanted to rest my hand towel on my head.

[Back to the present]

Kio: I must've put the dust cloth on my head in my sleep.

Manami: Oh, right. Manipulated by memories of home. [furiously slams the cloth to the floor and stomps on it] Why doesn't this bother you guys?!

Eris: That's just Kio for you.

Qoone: Clumsy at times, but he's still very brave and generous.

Manami: But how can he be a Cosmo Cat like this?! I know he's a very nice guy. He always has been. I've known him almost my whole life. But still, why him?

Aoi: He's like the leader of the forty-seven ronin: Ōishi Yoshio, also known as Ōishi Kuranosuke. Ever heard the story of his hiru andon ruse? Kio may appear useless, but he actually proves to be of great service.

Manami: Oh, that story. [sighs] Maybe you're right, Aoi.

[The lab phone rings; Manami picks up]

Manami: ACME Crime Net. Kinjyou. We're on our way, Captain Lee. [hangs up] A car just got sliced in SoHo. This time, a woman was decapitated in the process.

[The others gasp in horror]

[Meanwhile, not far from SoHo, Harry approaches an unseen being]

Harry: I see you're on the run from the po-po. My buddy and I can lend a hand, for a price.

[The being hands him $10,000 in cash]

Harry: Works for me. Noah, get the new device ready!

Noah: Yes, Uncle Harry!

[SoHo, 11:15am]

[The gang inspects a 1987 Cadillac Fleetwood with its top cut off and a covered dead body]

Antonia: Just like before.

Eris: Why did we let that guy escape?

Qoone: He was just too fast for us. [approaches a cop] The victim?

Cop: Her name's Vanessa Harmon, 21 years old. [points at a sobbing woman (played by Becky G)] That's her sister. She identified the body. Name's Tamara Harmon.

Tamara: [approaches] She and I came all the way from Florida after our parents died. She wanted to live a peaceful life, but-- [sobs again and kneels toward Vanessa's body] Vanessa!

Manami: Damn that Seltzer! [slams her fist on the damaged car] JEEZ!! [winces in pain]

Kio: [picks up a shopping bag] Mind if I bring this bag inside for you, Tamara?

Tamara: Not at all. I just got back from the supermarket when I saw the body, and I dropped it.

[Kio notices a pack of frozen brown rice that has already been thawed out]

Kio: Hmm...

[He enters Tamara's brownstone, then comes back out and notices a few droplets of water on the cut edges of the damaged car]

Kio: Something's off about this.

[Catian Mothership, 11:32am]

[The gang is gathered]

Eris: Taking that sliced car into account, I'd say we've got our killer.

Antonia: Mm-hmm. All the pieces fit Jeremy Seltzer. What do you think, Kio?

[Kio is reading a book]

Manami: Yo! Earth to Kio!

Kio: [reacts] Sorry, girls. I was just reading. [shows the cover] You see how cool the artwork is? When that book salesman gave me this book, I thought it was gonna be a great thing to read. But I was wrong. It sucks! [tosses the book aside] Guess it's true what they say, never to judge a book by the cover.

Aoi: Good to know, but we're not talking about that book. We're talking about a murder!

Kio: So am I. Didn't anyone notice anything strange about the water on the edges of the cut Cadillac? Captain Qoone, with your permission, I'd like to run down some of my own leads.

Qoone: Permission granted, Kio. Anyone wanna go with him?

Kio: No, it's fine, Captain. I'll go alone. [heads out]

Eris: Why did you let him go, Captain? Seltzer's our guy.

Qoone: Right now, it's best to split up. We'll deal with Seltzer. We still have to take him in for destroying property, don't we?

Eris: You're right, ma'am. Let's go, guys!

[They head out]

[Meanwhile, at a supermarket, Kio grabs a pack of frozen brown rice; later, outside Tamara's brownstone, Kio rings the doorbell, all while overhearing an unusual sound for a few seconds; Tamara comes out, wearing goggles around her neck]

Tamara: Detective Kakazu, what are you doing here?

Kio: Delivering this to you. [holds out the pack of frozen rice] Your sister liked brown rice, right?

Tamara: Uh, well...

Kio: [hands her the pack] Consider it an offering for her sake.

Tamara: Thanks. But I'm sure you didn't come all the way back here just for this.

Kio: No, no. I just wanted to ask, what do you do for a living?

Tamara: Oh, well, I help cut metal, just like my dad. He was a fireman before he died. He'd cut metal walls to save lives. Wait, are you insinuating that I'm a suspect in my sister's death?

Kio: Sorry. It's a job habit.

Tamara: Well, you can question me and arrest me if you want.

Kio: Nah, that's it. But if anything comes up, we'll let you know.

[He leaves; Tamara gives a suspicious look]

[Elsewhere in the city, the other five Cosmo Cats look around until they happen upon Seltzer near the George Washington Bridge]

Seltzer: Oh, you guys again? Wait, weren't there six of you?

Aoi: Save that for later! You won't get away from us this time!

Eris: Jeremy Seltzer, you're under arrest for destruction of property and the murder of Vanessa Harmon!

Seltzer: Murder?! Oh, my God!

Manami: Quit screwin' around!

Seltzer: Speak for yourselves. I'm not a murderer!

Antonia: Your hatred for cars-- The car in which Vanessa was killed was cut the same way as the Nova you cut earlier.

Qoone: Don't you understand the sadness and pain her sister is suffering?

Seltzer: For God's sake, I didn't kill her! As to why I hate cars, I lost my wife in a car accident. She was four weeks pregnant with our first child. She was hit by an '87 Cadillac Fleetwood about a year ago, which suddenly disappeared. I grew to hate old cars since that day. They were clunkers bound to cause accidents. I never wanted to harm any human being. I let those people flee the car earlier.

Manami: You think your little sob story is gonna work?! [charges at Seltzer] Well, you've got another thing coming!

Aoi: Manami, wait!

Seltzer: Please, listen to me!

[He tries to defend himself with his sword from Manami's fighting skills; he kicks Manami back to her teammates]

Seltzer: [growls] You guys are in way over your heads. You don't even know why I'm here. Next time, show me some professional courtesy and let me do my job. I gotta get back to work. [exits]

Eris: Not again!

[Later, back at the warehouse, the five Cosmo Cats reunite with Kio]

Kio: I'm sure what Seltzer said wasn't just an excuse, girls.

Eris: You mean there's another perp?

Manami: Who?

Kio: It's a long shot, but... Tamara Harmon.

Qoone: Tamara?

Eris: Really?

Aoi: You serious?

Antonia: That true?

Manami: The hell?! Kio, do you have rocks in your head?! Didn't you see how much she cried over her sister's death?

Kio: That's just it, Manami.

Manami: "That's just it"?! Jeez! What the hell is that?!

Kio: Calm down! Look, I don't like debates like this, but it helps me analyze our facts. Besides, I think that there's a truth in this case that we can't see. For now, it's just my instinct.

Manami: How can you expect Tamara Harmon to cut a car when she doesn't have a sword?! We checked her apartment. No swords!

Kio: Well,... she could've used something else. Something we haven't taken into account.

[He thinks for a moment, then suddenly notices the espresso machine dripping slightly; his eyes widen; he whips out his smartphone and opens the YouTube app; he looks up "cutting steel" and finds a video on how metal is cut with a water jet]

Kio: [in his mind] Perfect.

[Elsewhere in the city, Seltzer sits in an alley]

Seltzer: Some investigation. I should never have let my hatred for old cars keep me from doing my job.

[Unknown to him, on top of the building, Noah Higgenbottom, carrying a device that resembles a tranquilizer gun, points it down at Seltzer]

Noah: Maybe you could use a little help.

[With the push of a button, the device fires a tiny dart at Seltzer, hitting him in the neck; Seltzer groans in pain and suddenly starts to grow giant-sized]

Seltzer: Hey! What the hell's going on?!

Noah: Yes! I knew this thing would work. [exits the scene] Back to Uncle Harry.

[Back at the warehouse, the female Cosmo Cats chatter behind Kio's back]

Manami: No. We'd have caught Seltzer if Kio hadn't been off on some wild goose chase.

Kio: [approaches the girls] I heard that, Manami! Listen. I'm still convinced that Seltzer is innocent.

[The alarm blares]

Chayka: [through Eris' bell] Seltzer is towering over the city!

[The female Cosmo Cats head into the orbital elevator]

Kio: Maybe not. Cosmo Power!

[He gets suited up and joins the girls in the elevator]

[Outside, the Cosmo MagnaShip combines with Eris' ship and CatiEarth One to form the Cosmo MagnaDroid and faces the giant Seltzer]

Seltzer: [turns around and whips out his sword] Lemme guess-- The Cosmo Cats again?!

Manami: [as the Cosmo MagnaDroid gets equipped with Cosmo Magna Revolvers] Fire!

[The MagnaDroid fires upon Seltzer, who blocks each blast with his sword]

Seltzer: Listen, guys! You're making a mistake!

[Cut to the cockpit with all six Cosmo Cats]

Eris: For a human, he's sure got some skill repelling those blasts.

Qoone: Now what?

Kio: We can restrain him with crime scene tape. Every ACME mecha is equipped with it.

Aoi: Except we hardly ever use it.

Manami: That's because that sh*t never works!

Kio: Trust me!

Antonia: Can't hurt.

Qoone: Kio's right, girls. Crime scene tape, fire!

[Outside, the Cosmo MagnaDroid fires crime scene tape from its chest at Seltzer, tying him up tightly]

Seltzer: Okay! Okay! I'll turn myself in for the car damage! But just let me explain!

Qoone: Why did you kill Vanessa Harmon?

Seltzer: I told you, I didn't kill her. I'm a bounty hunter from Orlando. I've been working undercover, searching for a woman wanted for the murders of a fireman and his wife. And I'd have caught her if you Cosmo Cats hadn't gotten in my way!

Kio: A fireman-- Hmm... Now it's all starting to make sense.

[Suddenly, he notices Tamara (wearing a backpack) on the ground approaching]

Tamara: [points up at Seltzer] So it was you who killed my sister! Cosmo Cats, shrink him and arrest him already!

[Kio reverts to normal, then jumps out of the cockpit and faces Tamara]

Tamara: Detective Kakazu, you work with the Cosmo Cats?

Kio: Sorry, Tamara, but we got the wrong guy. At least, the wrong guy for your sister's murder. He's gonna answer for damaging cars out of hate.

Tamara: Well, if he didn't kill Vanessa, then who did?

Kio: That melted pack of brown rice-- You said you'd just come back from the supermarket. That was your big mistake. The one I bought you from that same supermarket was still frozen. It only makes sense that you were at the murder scene. Plus, I interviewed your neighbors overhearing you and your sister arguing just minutes before she was killed.

Eris: [from the MagnaDroid] Kio, what are you saying?

Kio: I'm saying that Tamara knows a lot more about her sister's killer than we think.

Tamara: You have an interesting theory, Kakazu, but you still can't prove I did it.

Manami: [from the MagnaDroid] Kio, I told you before, she doesn't own a sword!

Kio: Very well, then. Cosmo Power.

[He gets suited up, shocking Tamara]

Tamara: [gasps] Cosmo Black?!

[Kio walks up to an empty Cadillac CT6 and lifts it up with all his might]

Tamara: What the hell are you doing?!

Kio: Just watch!

[He tosses the car at Tamara]

Eris: Kio!

Aoi: No!

Manami: Dumbass!

Antonia: You're crazy!

Qoone: Unless...

[Tamara quickly reaches into her backpack and extracts a handheld waterjet cutter (attached to a hose tank in her backpack) and fires a high-pressure blast of water at the car, splitting it in half just before it can hit her]

Tamara: [growls] Damn it.

Kio: I knew it! A handheld waterjet cutter! A machine that jettisons water under an extremely high-pressured stream, enabling it to cut tough surfaces, including steel.

[The other Cosmo Cats join Kio]

Eris: That's the murder weapon?!

Kio: No doubt about it. When I saw droplets of water on the edges of the cut car where Vanessa was killed, I knew it wasn't Seltzer. It all makes sense. Tamara killed her sister!

Tamara: [laughs maniacally] You see, last summer, my sister and I fled Orlando after witnesses saw us at the scene of the fireman's murder. That man and his wife-- They were our parents. Vanessa stabbed them. Why? Because we've always dreamed of going to Princeton, but they refused to let us go to an out-of-town university. They tried to enroll us into Valencia College, but we refused. If we couldn't go to Princeton, we couldn't go to any college. So late one night, I ordered Vanessa to stab our parents, then we swiped Dad's waterjet cutter and drove all the way to New York City. We were very cunning. That's why not even that bounty hunter Seltzer could find us. But after about a year, Vanessa felt guilty and decided to drive back to Florida to tell the cops the truth. That bitch of a snitch was about to put a needle in my arm. So just as she was about to drive out, I grabbed my waterjet and cut through our car like a knife through butter, beheading her in the process. When I saw Seltzer had the strength to cut through cars with his sword, I tried to frame him so you could arrest him for Vanessa's murder and get him off my back. I even paid a stranger to back me up on that frame-up. And all of you fell for it. [points at Kio] That is, except you!

Kio: It's one thing to get a harmless bounty hunter into trouble, but to murder your own twin sister to save your own hide from the law?! [clenches his fists] There is no excuse for it!

[He whips out his Cosmo Blade and charges at Tamara]

Tamara: [points her waterjet cutter at Kio] Prepare to die, Kakazu!

Manami: [fires her Cosmo Revolver and regular gun at Tamara] NO!

[One bullet (from her Cosmo Revolver) knocks the waterjet cutter off Tamara's hands, and the other (from her regular gun) punctures the tank in her backpack, causing water to seep through the bag]

Manami: Kick her ass, Kio!

Tamara: [charges at Kio with her balled-up fists] Not if I kick yours first!

[But just as she is about to punch Kio, Kio strikes her with his blade and knocks her to the ground; he points his blade at Tamara, who quivers with fear]

Tamara: You little bastard!

[Qoone slaps the cuffs on Tamara just as NYPD squad cars enter]

Kio: Tamara Harmon, you're under arrest for the murder of Vanessa Harmon. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, which will be provided by the court if you can't afford one.

Seltzer: Uh, Cosmo Cats, you finally have her, but what about me?

Qoone: [whips out a syringe] Relax, Mr. Seltzer. This antidote should shrink you back to normal.

[She injects Seltzer in the right ankle with the syringe; Seltzer gasps, then shrinks back to normal, still tied in tape; Qoone hands him and Tamara over to the cops]

Qoone: Jeremy Seltzer, you're under arrest for destruction of property and assault. You have the right to remain silent and to an attorney. Whatever you say can and will be used against you. If you can't afford an attorney, one will be provided for you.

Kio: Cosmo Cats, mission complete. Meow!

[Tamara and Seltzer are each taken into a separate squad car; after the squad cars leave, the Cosmo Cats revert to normal]

Manami: Kio, I'm so sorry I didn't believe you. I don't understand everything you do or your way of thinking, but as your wife, I should learn learn to respect them. Please forgive me.

Kio: Of course I forgive you, Manami. Sh*t happens.

[Manami giggles; she and Kio embrace and kiss]

Kio: Let's go home.

[Elsewhere in New York, at Noah and Harry's hideout, Harry counts his money as Noah inspects his device]

Harry: Well, at least we know the device works.

Noah: But it wasn't enough to help that woman, thanks to Cosmo Black.

Harry: As long as we're raking in the dough, who cares? More money means bigger and better plans. [snickers]

[132 Madison Street, 10:34pm]

[In Eris' group's room, Manami comes out of the bathroom wearing a bathrobe and joins Kio in bed]

Manami: How's Tatsu?

Kio: Out like a light. The others are gonna spend the night in the nursery with the babies, so we have the whole room to ourselves tonight.

Manami: Yep. So, any word on the perps?

Kio: Well, Seltzer took a plea. Five years probation, no jail time, and he got fired. He's also decided not to file a suit against us or the city.

Manami: And Tamara?

Kio: Awaiting extradition to Florida. Not only did she order her sister to kill her parents, but before that, she also had a hand in Seltzer's wife's death. The car she killed her sister in was the same car used in that hit and run. They sent the plates to Orlando PD. Perfect match. Plus, Florida still has the death penalty.

Manami: Good riddance. [turns to her husband] Hey, Kio?

Kio: Hmm?

Manami: I was thinking-- It's been almost two years since our first time. We haven't done it since, and I was wondering,...

Kio: You wanna do it again?

Manami: Yes. [straddles Kio] Just you and me. [unties her robe and takes it off] You up for it?

Kio: [embraces Manami] Manami!

[They kiss passionately; fade to black]

[11:06pm]

[Kio and Manami are both sound asleep together (and sweating); Manami's smartphone buzzes, waking her up; caller ID: JACK; Manami picks up]

Manami: [sleepily] Hey, J.A.C.K.

J.A.C.K.: [through phone] Sorry to wake you, Manami. Another private session with your hubby?

Manami: Mm-hmm.

[Cut to a highway in Maryland; J.A.C.K. drives her car on the highway while calling through her iPhone connected to her stereo via Bluetooth]

J.A.C.K.: Well, I just thought I'd let you know, I'm already making my way to New York. I'll be by in the morning.

Manami: What's the occasion?

J.A.C.K.: Well, that perp you caught and extradited to Florida so she could get the death penalty-- I'm investigating her big bad brother.

[Cut back to the room]

Manami: [shocked] Huh?



Manami: J.A.C.K.'s in town?! Boy, is this gonna be a hell of an episode.

Aoi: And meanwhile, Eris has another run-in with the twins.

Eris: Are these two ever gonna give us a break?

Kio: Next time: The Third Harmon. Vigilance, dedication, courage!

Last edited by TVLubber (12/17/2019 7:14 pm)